8 Signs and Tactics of Emotional Abuse

Introduction 

Understanding emotional abuse is challenging. The fact that the same type of abuse goes by various distinct labels, such as emotional abuse, psychological abuse and mental abuse.

There are various definitions of emotional abuse, which is another difficulty. Everyone seems to have their own unique version.

There are not always outward indications or signs of abuse. Before a person realises what’s happening, emotional abuse may create an impact.

Many behaviours might constitute emotional abuse. Sometimes it hits in waves of total silence.

An individual must pay more attention while feeling alone, helpless or unimportant in the interactions.

Never let yourself feel this way for no valid reason. You are worthy of honour, affection and attention.

What is abuse? 

Harmful language and actions are referred to as abuse. It can include physical assault, sexual assault, neglect and degrading treatment.

Abuse can be a single incident or a pattern of behaviour that recurs over time and in various contexts.

Abuse is always done with intent. Abuse is acting in a way that intentionally exploits or harms another person.

It’s possible that someone is unaware of what constitutes abusive behaviour. If a person’s behaviour is intended to control, take over another’s position, trick others or keep a person around against their will, it is abusive behaviour.

To put it another way, there are people who may say or do harmful things or push others around on purpose. Their behaviour qualifies as abuse even if it doesn’t cause the individual any harm.

What is emotional abuse? 

The act of controlling someone else emotionally by criticising, humiliating, shaming, blaming, or otherwise manipulating them is known as emotional abuse. Mental or emotional abuse can happen in any relationship with friends, family, and coworkers. But, it is most frequent in dating and married relationships.

An individual who engages in emotional abuse involves a pattern of behaviour that involves insulting, humiliating and generally instilling fear in the victim to exert control over them. 

When someone attempts to control and dominate another individual verbally or via other means, this is known as emotional abuse. It’s also known as psychological or mental abuse.

A person frequently develops a poor sense of self and lack of confidence due to emotional abuse.

For instance, someone who exhibits emotionally abusive actions can attempt to distance others from family members. They might manipulate others into doing what they prefer.

The absence of one’s emotions and emotional abandonment might occasionally qualify as emotional abuse.

One can discover that emotional abuse gradually steals them of their freedom, identity and sense of self.

What are the tactics used? 

Name-calling 

Name-calling is a kind of verbal abuse. This includes frequently hearing insults or yells directed at you. Disputes that always end in yelling and the use of combative language in conversation are all indications that the relationship with a person’s partner is unhealthy. 

Partners in a happy relationship leave an argument or make an effort to work it out through conversation. The abuser will rant until they get their way in a verbally abusive relationship.

Emotional blackmail 

Emotional abuse is evident if someone tries to control your emotions against you. Emotional blackmail instances include:

• Humiliating in front of others or alone.
• Creating shame in others and using that guilt to manipulate and control them.
• Using your ideals, compassion, anxieties, or other emotional triggers to manipulate you or the circumstance.
• Denying or lying about a particular occurrence.
• Highlighting others’ flaws or exaggerating them to divert attention or avoid taking accountability for their own poor decisions or errors.
• Giving you quiet treatment or withholding affection as a form of punishment.

Hypercritical or judgemental 

Although it is in our nature to criticise or pass judgement, someone may go above and beyond in emotionally abusive circumstances. 

This might suggest that the abuser is

• Making fun of you in front of others.
• Embarrassing or humiliating you.
• Using irony, teasing or jokes to make you feel self-conscious.
• Having an opinion on most of your words, actions, or thoughts.
• Angry when you disagree (e.g., how you dress, how you spend your money, who you spend time with, what you are interested in).

Possessive 

Your actions may affect the abuser through unwarranted envy, such as

• Watching what you do.
• Choose when you want to spend time alone, with family, or with friends.
• Requesting access to your email, social media or phone.
• Contacting you through text or phone whenever you’re away.
• Separating you from other people in your life and the activities or work you enjoy.

Public embarrassment 

Public embarrassment includes shaming. Shaming is any behaviour or statement that makes you feel bad about who you are.

Shaming can make you feel guilty about your words or deeds. It could also come in the form of remarks that focus on your body image or other issues.

Criticising

Criticism that is harsh or unhelpful emotional abuse. For instance, it can be to interrupt you in the middle of a conversation and tell you that you don’t know when to stop talking.

Accusing, blaming and denial 

Abusers frequently attempt to establish a hierarchy in which they are at the top, and you are at the bottom.

• Jealousy – They accuse you of flirting or cheating or claim that you would spend all your time with them if you truly loved them.

• Blaming – Abusers usually have the ability to make you angry. As soon as you do, become offended. However, they put the responsibility back on you because you are the one who is highly sensitive.

• Using guilt – They might use phrases like “You owe me this” to try to guilt you into doing anything. “Look at everything I’ve done for you” to gain favour.

• Unrealistic hopes and intentions – They anticipate you doing what they ask of you at the appointed time. They believe that you should always put their needs before your own, conduct yourself in accordance with their standards, and refrain from spending time with your friends or family if there is even a remote possibility that they may require you.

• Trivialising – When you express how unhappy and hurtful anything they said or did make you feel, they claim you are being overdramatic or misinterpreting the circumstances.

• Blames their issues on you – When things go wrong, they always put responsibility on you. They could claim that their life would be perfect if you were a more understanding partner.

• Denying – They might hurl your phone to damage it, “forget” your car keys, or ruin other valuables, then deny it or claim it was an accident.

Emotional neglect 

When you do something “wrong,” an emotionally abusive person may try to make you feel terrible or do what they want by several means, including

• Withholding affection.
• Guilt trip
• Excluding or ignoring you.
• Instilling self-doubt in you.
• Denying a fact that you are aware of.

Signs of emotional abuse in self

Personal indicators of a victim of emotional abuse include

• Withdrawing from society
• Fear
• Poor self-regard
• Losing self-identity
• Shame
• Adjusting to social norms
• Dependency or codependency
• Physical changes
• Psychological signs. 

Effects of emotional abuse

The shock of being in the situation or the concern over how the situation came about are frequently short-term effects of an emotionally abusive husband or wife. 

Some emotional abusers don’t start until the relationship is well established. It’s possible that surprised husbands or wives will notice the new, emotionally abusive behaviour. In response to the emotional abuse, the victim then experiences a change in behaviour and thinking.

Short term effects of emotional abuse are

• Confusion and surprise 
• Extra vigilance
• Asking oneself, “Did that really happen?” regarding their own memories.
• Fear or anxiety
• Avoidance of eye contact
• Shame
• Aggression (as a defence to the abuse) 
• Becoming overly passive or compliant
• Crying frequently
• A sense of powerlessness and defeat because nothing you try seems to work.
• A sense of being used, manipulated and controlled.
• Feeling disliked.

Long-term effects of emotional abuse

Victim of long-term emotional abuse frequently feels unable to leave their abuser and unworthy of a non-abusive relationship because they have such low self-esteem. 

Adult emotional abuse leads to the victim believing the terrible things the abuser says about them. Emotional abuse victims often think they’re going crazy.

Long-term emotional abuse by partners, boyfriends or girlfriends can have the following effects.

• Low self-worth and self-esteem
• Depression
• Withdrawal
• Sleep disruptions
• Unstable emotional state
• Suicidal ideas, plans or actions
• Underachievement
• Trustlessness
• Feeling isolated and trapped.

Dealing with emotional abuse 

Dealing with emotional abuse during and after the relationship can be extremely challenging. A mental health professional’s assistance is essential.

Rarely, someone currently in a relationship may act emotionally abusively for a short time before realising their mistake and changing their conduct. This, however, is an exception. Abusive behaviour frequently occurs again. Here are ways to cope with emotional abuse.

Establish & stick to firm boundaries

Keep watch when you feel your abuser is about to become enraged, and you know anything could happen. Set limits and make sure you feel secure. When you notice this, make plans to have an excuse to leave the house or place. Prepare some valid justifications to use when the abuser questions.

Make yourself a priority

Have a place you can go to feel safe. It is important to feel safe, so having a location you can go to while maintaining your posture will be very beneficial for you. This place can be inside or outside of the home. Making sure you are honouring yourself is essential because you matter, and your feelings matter.

Never ever blame yourself.

It is possible that the abuser used manipulation to make you believe you deserved the treatment because of a flaw in yourself. But be aware that the problem is not with you. 

No matter how hard you try, you can never make things right in the eyes of your abusers. Resist the urge to reason your behaviour or offer an apology. Abusers are mindful of their actions and deliberately choose to hurt you.

Do not attempt to fix abusers.

You might wish to try to change or assist your abuser. Yet, attempting to do so without professional help is usually challenging. The abuser cannot be forced to see a therapist, but you can encourage them to do so. They have to admit that they require assistance as the first step.

Build a network of support.

You will require a lot of support when coping with emotional abuse. Therefore having friends, a therapist and relatives other than those in your immediate family can be quite beneficial for you. You’ll be more motivated and able to care for yourself if you have people who love and support you unconditionally.

Stop blaming yourself

Be kind to yourself. If the abuser is already being so unkind to you, practise self-kindness. When coping with emotional abuse, it is essential to practise self-compassion and love.

Create an exit plan

Pack a bag with the necessities, such as a key, car keys, clothes, cash, phone numbers, documents, etc., and it’s also important to ask a friend or family member to keep copies of all these. 

Make sure you have access to the place you are running to, whether it be a shelter or a friend’s house.

Contact local police or a domestic violence hotline if you are concerned for your safety. 

Find a therapist for yourself

Couples therapy is not advised when there is ongoing abuse in a relationship. Individual treatment is advisable. 

It is advised that both individuals start with individual counselling. For those who abuse others, there are structured programmes that can be helpful. They are mostly accessible through a neighbourhood domestic abuse programme.

Conclusion 

Any form of abuse in which a child is repeatedly mistreated emotionally is termed emotional abuse. It’s also known as psychological abuse. It is possible to intentionally fear, ridicule, isolate, or disregard an individual as part of emotional abuse. The long-term effects of emotional abuse and neglect on a person’s physical, social, and emotional health and development. There is assistance available if you are or believe a family member is emotionally abused.

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